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F*** My Life

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F*** My Life

Post by VampiricPadraig on Sun Mar 01, 2009 2:33 am

First topic message reminder :

You can only post stories from F*** My Life.com

LINKY!!!

You must use the "[quote]" tag when posting

That is all
--------------------------------------------

Today, I went to my first strip club for my friends birthday. I also found out what my girlfriend does for a living.

Comment Please


Last edited by VampiricPadraig on Wed Mar 04, 2009 2:59 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Sun May 24, 2009 2:17 pm

Today, after a few drinks my dad decided to tell me the story of how I was born. He wanted a baby girl after my brother, and mum didn't want any more children. So he tricked her by giving her the wrong pill. That should explain a lot. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Sun May 24, 2009 2:18 pm

Today, I cried when Adam lost American Idol. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Sun May 24, 2009 2:19 pm

Today, I ordered more memory and a new hard drive for my computer. I can't remember the last time I was this excited about something. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Sun May 24, 2009 2:19 pm

Today, I was sitting at my college campus, there were good looking girls all around me and I was trying to catch their eye and smile, letting them know I'm available. A butterfly flew by me and I screamed. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Sun May 24, 2009 2:20 pm

Today, my dad told me about how my mother had a bad dream last night and began to scream "Don't take me, take my children!" FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Sun May 24, 2009 2:21 pm

Today, I was walking around my house without a shirt on after my shower. I picked up my cat and walked around the corner... Just as my dad turned on the vacuum. Now I have 6 rather deep bloody holes in my shoulder and chest. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Sun May 24, 2009 2:23 pm

Today, me and my co-workers were playing with the Helium tank we got today. We were all giggling like little girls for the better half of 15 minutes. I don't know what is more sad, that a bunch of guys were sucking helium instead of working, or that the youngest guy in the group is 43. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Sun May 24, 2009 2:25 pm

Today, I got pulled over for speeding and got a $200 ticket. After I pulled away, I decided to warn the next car about the cop up ahead by flashing my headlights. The next car was another cop. He didn't appreciate my "help". FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Sun May 24, 2009 2:26 pm

Today, my brother came out to our family as being gay. My mother starting crying because "She wanted grandchildren." I told her that I was planning on having children. She started crying harder. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Sun May 24, 2009 2:28 pm

Today, as I was watching a DVD, I noticed a spider crawling on my crotch area. So, I panicked and smashed the spider, smashing my nuts in the process. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Sun May 24, 2009 2:31 pm

Today, after a long night of partying, I was hanging out with this girl I really like. I was feeling really hungover, so we were just sitting at the park. Randomly, she confessed to me that she's liked me since the day she met me. Out of excitement and hungoverness, I threw up on her shoes. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Sun May 24, 2009 2:32 pm

Today, we were visiting my great-grandma, who has Alzheimer’s. We spent most of the day with her and she didn't know who we all were. Time came for us to leave so when I gave her a hug good-bye, she whispered into my ear, "You're my type." FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by Jurassic Kid99 on Sun May 24, 2009 7:18 pm

today,A girl came and sat next to me,she was facing the other way.She had long hair,wearing a tank top.As I pulled her in my direction,and said"Hey babe".She said"Hey hot-lips".Apperarntly,this was a guy acting as a girl,but a trans sex.
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Re: F*** My Life

Post by Jurassic Kid99 on Mon May 25, 2009 12:13 pm

TheNightsEnd wrote:
Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML
Sorry for double posting,but WTF! She like ,raped him?
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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Mon May 25, 2009 4:44 pm

probably, u got a propblem with rape Surprised

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Thu May 28, 2009 6:05 am

Today, I parked my car in a garage that cost $13 for every 10 minutes past 10 o'clock. When I came back to the garage at 10, I had forgotten where I parked it and spent an hour looking for it. I paid $78 to lose my car. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Thu May 28, 2009 6:07 am

Today, my boyfriend invited me over so I went, not thinking anything of it. To my surprise, he broke up with me. I was pretty upset, and as I was leaving his mom hands me a box. When I got home I opened it. His mom baked me a break up cake. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Thu May 28, 2009 6:08 am

Today, my friends approached me and accused me of being anorexic cause i've dropped a lot of weight lately. I swore to them that i wasn't anorexic. They jokingly asked "Do you have cancer or something?" All i could do was stare at my feet. That wasn't exactly how i wanted them to find out. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by Jurassic Kid99 on Thu May 28, 2009 6:12 am

One day I was walking in the park,i saw my ex girlfriend,and I rememberd i broke up with her,she still like me.I just walked along,untill a dart was in my neck,i fell asleep.When I woke up,i was in a car ,naked,with my ex girlfriend on top of me haveing %*# with me while i was asleep.
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Re: F*** My Life

Post by Jurassic Kid99 on Thu May 28, 2009 11:01 am

TheNightsEnd wrote:probably, u got a propblem with rape Surprised
Uhh....You "Rape" people? Neutral
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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Thu May 28, 2009 11:04 am

no i dont, now shut up or ill rape you

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by Jurassic Kid99 on Thu May 28, 2009 11:05 am

Umm Im a guy.Like you. Help
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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Thu May 28, 2009 11:23 am

how do you know im not a female stalker who's 50 years older than you

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Thu May 28, 2009 11:43 am

Today, I was playing with my pet hamster and I decided to put it down my pants for fun. It started running around and I actually got aroused. My mom then proceeded to walk into my room to see me with an erection and my pet hamster poke his head out of the hole in my boxers. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Thu May 28, 2009 11:43 am

Today, while at the Golden Gate Bridge, I spotted a large group of asians trying to take a picture. Trying to be a diplomat, I slowly say "You... want me... take picture?" while using hand motions. The man looks at me and says "No thanks asshole. I got it." in plain english. FML

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