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F*** My Life

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F*** My Life

Post by VampiricPadraig on Sun Mar 01, 2009 2:33 am

First topic message reminder :

You can only post stories from F*** My Life.com

LINKY!!!

You must use the "[quote]" tag when posting

That is all
--------------------------------------------

Today, I went to my first strip club for my friends birthday. I also found out what my girlfriend does for a living.

Comment Please


Last edited by VampiricPadraig on Wed Mar 04, 2009 2:59 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by VampiricPadraig on Sun Jul 05, 2009 6:07 pm

Today, I was mugged while walking down an unfriendly part of town. I was then arrested by a cop who happened to be coming around the corner, and saw me tackle the man to the ground. The mugger slipped the wallet back into my jacket and claimed I had assaulted him. My wallet was 300$ lighter. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Thu Jul 09, 2009 3:07 pm

Today, I was at the beach and I met a surfer with scars all over his back. Trying to make conversation, I asked "So how'd you get those cool scars? Coral?" To which he replied "Horrific childhood abuse, actually. But yeah, they're pretty cool." FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Thu Jul 09, 2009 3:11 pm

Today, after buying dinner from the supermarket, I had the change in my hand, and my wallet. In the parking lot, a quarter fell out of my hand, and right next to the street drain. As I went to pick it up, my wallet fell down the drain. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Sat Jul 11, 2009 2:20 pm

Today, I got home and threw my phone onto my bed as usual. This time it bounced out the window. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Sun Jul 12, 2009 7:57 am

Today, I have to choose between one eyebrow or none because I'm a heavy sleeper and my brother is a moron. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Sun Jul 12, 2009 9:59 am

Today, I found the family's pet hamster under my mattress, he's been missing for six months. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Sun Jul 12, 2009 10:09 am

Today, I drove into my school. Literally drove into my school. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Tue Jul 14, 2009 1:00 pm

Today, while I was working as a waitress, I had to wait on a table of 13 people. I was struggling through it and when they finally left I went by the table to pick up my tip. Instead of a money I got a napkin saying "Here's your tip, don't be a waitress." FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Thu Jul 16, 2009 3:44 pm

Today, I finished my project two weeks early. Now I am being laid off because there is no work to do. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by VampiricPadraig on Sun Jul 19, 2009 1:47 pm

Today, I was walking to work when I saw an empty pop can. Angry at whoever left it, I kicked it out of the way. Turns out it wasn't empty; it was filled with hornets. I had to run 2km to work while being attacked by a giant swarm of wasps. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Sun Jul 19, 2009 4:45 pm

Today, I was on a 3 hour plane ride. An elderly man was sitting next to me and before the flight took off, he fell asleep on my shoulder. I decided to be kind and let him sleep. When the flight was about to land, I tried to wake him up. He wouldn't. He died on my shoulder. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Thu Jul 23, 2009 5:15 pm

Today, I got very dressed up and was excited for my uncle's wedding. While standing in line for photos, I heard my dad's voice from behind me say "Who's the hot chick in the brown dress?" My uncle responds "Uh, that's your daughter." Silence. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Sun Aug 02, 2009 12:58 pm

Today, it was my wedding day, and while I was standing next to my husband in front of all of our guests, I was rocking on my heels because I was nervous. I rocked too far and fell backward. My husband didn't come to help me up. He just said at the top of his lungs, "FAIL!" FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Sun Aug 02, 2009 1:12 pm

Today, my little 7 and 6 year old cousins came visit my family home. I heard the oldest one say that my sister was nice and pretty. Then the youngest replied "Yeah, but the older one has the face of a murderer." FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Tue Aug 04, 2009 8:14 pm

Today, I was getting mugged. In shock, I said, "Are you mugging me?!" To which the mugger responded, "Duh, do you think I grabbed you for your looks?" FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Tue Aug 04, 2009 8:15 pm

Today, I went to a bookstore and asked the sales woman,"Where's the self-help section?" She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Tue Aug 04, 2009 8:17 pm

Today, I was woken up by a loud noise, which I thought was an earthquake. It sounded like a car had driven right into my living room. Which was exactly what it was. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Wed Aug 05, 2009 4:57 pm

Today, I was at my girlfriends house with just me and her. Things began to get heated and we started doing it on the living room couch. Near the end of it I decided to whisper in her ear, "Who's your daddy?" I hear behind me, "I am." FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by VampiricPadraig on Sun Aug 09, 2009 3:48 pm

Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time. I had bad stomach cramps so I asked if I could use the bathroom. After half an hour, I flushed the toilet, it backs up and floods the bathroom. To make things worse, when I opened the door, I slipped on the wet tiles. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by VampiricPadraig on Thu Aug 13, 2009 8:14 am

Today, I bought a feezer mug that looks like it's full of water. I've been playing tricks on my family and friends by throwing the empty cup at them. After doing this a few dozen times, my 83 year-old mother came to visit. I played the same trick on her. The joke's on me. Somebody filled the cup. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Sun Aug 16, 2009 8:55 am

Today, I got a paper cut while opening my box of Band-Aids. FML

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Re: F*** My Life

Post by TheNightsEnd on Mon Aug 17, 2009 3:12 pm


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